Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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