I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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