glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
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I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
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To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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