im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
