She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
