Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
