I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
only if we run a train.
done.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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