I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
