so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just want nice things and good sex
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
