if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
