Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
