so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize