I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
