He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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