mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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