drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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