Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
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The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
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I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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