She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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