so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
