How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
