There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
