Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
