Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
