Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
