You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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