even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
