If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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