Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
