sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
