dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
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Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
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When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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