I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
