I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
