your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
