Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
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I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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