First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
