So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Randomize
