all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
