The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
