My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
