Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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