she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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