he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
