the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
