tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
