Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
