Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
