I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
