if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
