i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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