I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Randomize
