Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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