The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
