WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i would one night stand the shit outta him
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
