Whod you bang
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
