That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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