i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
