You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
