thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I could fuck to npr.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
