I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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