Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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