At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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