Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
