My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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