I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
she peed on how many people?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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