Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
