I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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