I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
