i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
