I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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