Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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