I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
