it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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