I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
